Masks

I thought I would tickle the keyboard again tonight before turning it in. It's rough living inside of your own head. The rents too high and the maintenance crew is virtually non existent. First let me explain by what I mean when I say I am living in my own head. Essentially it means to over think things, silly and trivial things. Things that really have no bearing on your life but you choose to dwell on them. It's like a buffet line that only serves anxiety and unnecessary self evaluation. Just large hotel pans overflowing with irrational thoughts and second guessing. I have to admit, I am the repeat offender that returns to the buffet line using the same plate (everyone knows you're supposed to get a new plate for each visit) hoping nobody notices. Well shit... where was I going with this? Oh yes, renting out space in one's own head and how to remedy it? I pose it as a question because what the fuck do I really know. I can only hope to attempt to break my lease and live rent free.

Ok, enough of this metaphorical nonsense, I'm confusing my own self. Basically what I am getting at is; I need to stop worrying about how people think, perceive, and interact with me. Because ultimately it is only me that is looking back in the mirror. As I like to say, we all wear masks but there isn't a mask thick enough to hide your own reflection. Or there shouldn't be at least. I have to remind myself that I am a man that lives within the margin. That small space adjacent to social norms and mass conformity. Now don't get me wrong, wearing a mask is a part of existing within the societal parameters that are placed on us. I believe its called the Social Contract that we all agreed upon way back when. It's fine, I get it; society can't just be pure anarchy. However, it is when the mask is no longer a mask, problems begin to take shape. It is when the mask no longer serves it’s function which  is to conceal the real you. In turn to abide by the Social Contract. The mask actually becomes an extension of yourself. It’s like putting on a Halloween mask to find out it’s glued to your face. I think that is where I have found myself recently. I've gotten so caught up in how other people see my various masks and have started to forget what's behind the mask.

Me, I'm the one behind the mask. So when all the smoke clears and I'm standing at the position of attention in front of the mirror I can't hide behind a mask. As cheezy as it sounds, I have to be true to myself and remember that the masks that I do wear do not define who I am and nor should they. I wish I could better articulate what I am trying to say but it's not that simple. Afterall it's my blog and I can spout all the nonsense I want and not care if anyone has any clue of what I'm talking about. I barely know what I'm talking about. Goodnight

TBN OUT

Peaces and Creases