Masks

I thought I would tickle the keyboard again tonight before turning it in. It's rough living inside of your own head. The rents too high and the maintenance crew is virtually non existent. First let me explain by what I mean when I say I am living in my own head. Essentially it means to over think things, silly and trivial things. Things that really have no bearing on your life but you choose to dwell on them. It's like a buffet line that only serves anxiety and unnecessary self evaluation. Just large hotel pans overflowing with irrational thoughts and second guessing. I have to admit, I am the repeat offender that returns to the buffet line using the same plate (everyone knows you're supposed to get a new plate for each visit) hoping nobody notices. Well shit... where was I going with this? Oh yes, renting out space in one's own head and how to remedy it? I pose it as a question because what the fuck do I really know. I can only hope to attempt to break my lease and live rent free.

Ok, enough of this metaphorical nonsense, I'm confusing my own self. Basically what I am getting at is; I need to stop worrying about how people think, perceive, and interact with me. Because ultimately it is only me that is looking back in the mirror. As I like to say, we all wear masks but there isn't a mask thick enough to hide your own reflection. Or there shouldn't be at least. I have to remind myself that I am a man that lives within the margin. That small space adjacent to social norms and mass conformity. Now don't get me wrong, wearing a mask is a part of existing within the societal parameters that are placed on us. I believe its called the Social Contract that we all agreed upon way back when. It's fine, I get it; society can't just be pure anarchy. However, it is when the mask is no longer a mask, problems begin to take shape. It is when the mask no longer serves it’s function which  is to conceal the real you. In turn to abide by the Social Contract. The mask actually becomes an extension of yourself. It’s like putting on a Halloween mask to find out it’s glued to your face. I think that is where I have found myself recently. I've gotten so caught up in how other people see my various masks and have started to forget what's behind the mask.

Me, I'm the one behind the mask. So when all the smoke clears and I'm standing at the position of attention in front of the mirror I can't hide behind a mask. As cheezy as it sounds, I have to be true to myself and remember that the masks that I do wear do not define who I am and nor should they. I wish I could better articulate what I am trying to say but it's not that simple. Afterall it's my blog and I can spout all the nonsense I want and not care if anyone has any clue of what I'm talking about. I barely know what I'm talking about. Goodnight

TBN OUT

Peaces and Creases

Chappelle

Not a riveting response to my last post but it is my fault. I've been inexcusably absent, but I'm rectifying the situation, currently (obviously). BUT, Dave Chappelle took a nice long hiatus and came back like a boss. Dave has changed soooo much from when he started out. For the good, for the bad, it's for you to decide. Me personally, I fucking love the transformation. Watching the arc of his career is remarkable. Not sure why it took 10 years for him to find.... well what I consider the best comedy he has ever done. He finally took the kiddie gloves off and starting preaching a.k.a speaking mad unadulterated truth, unapologetically. I am proud of him, which sounds absurd because he's not my five year old child, nonetheless I feel like a proud father watching his son hit his first home run. Trust me, I fully understand he had to cut his teeth and do the whole Hollywood thing, placate/appease the masses. Now he appeases himself and says whatever the fuck he feels like, and frankly I'm jealous. Wait I mean envious. I love saying whatever the fuck I want, however I don't have the same clout as Dave. He's funny, but he is a lot much more. I want to say brilliant but I don't want the statement to be misconstrued as hyperbole. Actually he is brilliant and his talent should be recognized as such. I think his comedy reaches next level: not just funny, but intelligent, charismatic, and socially conscience. Its hard to make all of those things work together and still be successful.

But I digress, I'll stop dick riding. Just wish I had the platform to go as raw as he does. He earned it. In my top 5 of people to meet for sure. I got him in my scope.

TBN OUT

Peaces and Creases

More to come

Domestication, Irritation, and Placation?

Wheeeew, it's been a long time since I've spoken to you. I been busy. I got a lot on my plate as they say. Update: I got married, inherited two beautiful children and purchased a second home. My life has changed a little bit to say the least. Unfortunately I am not here to bask in my new found fortune. It's the opposite actually. Hmmmm, where do I begin? Lets start with fuck ya'll all of ya'll. If ya'll don't like me, blow me. As The Doctor Dre so eloquently put it. All day one line from that particular song kept running thru my head: Ya'll gonna fuck around and turn me back to the old me. I don't want that and neither does the rest of society. CANT I JUST DO ME?! I guess everyone thinks that since I've settled down I can't go back to the old me. News flash Walter Cronkite, old me didn't go anywhere, he's just been hibernating waiting for the chance to pounce. So here he is....

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, nobodies cool. Let me tell you something. Wait better yet let me drop some truth bombs on you. You think since Mike Tyson doesn't box anymore he cant still throw a punch that will send you into next week? I dare you, I double dog dare you. All ya'll that have been living this domestic life, wanting this domestic life, growing up dreaming of this domestic life, don't make you me by any stretch of the imagination. We are not the same people, I promise you. Walk a mile in my shoes.... PLEASE you couldn't take two steps in my shoes. Look at me, look thru me, avoid me, don't matter. You gonna feel me one way or the other. I have always claimed to be a Man in the Margin and ain't shit changed but the time (daylight savings). I have sat back and held my tongue, attempting to let things play themselves out. But shit, a man (especially one in the margin) can only take so much before things start to come to a head. Hence the reason for this post...

The pen is mightier than the sword. Whatever. Me writing this blog is mightier than me going to jail. I'm just trying to look out for my wife and our children. Plain and simple. The rest is just smoke and mirrors. So when, let's just call them them/they, start to fuck with that symbiosis it becomes a problem that needs to be addressed, and this is the platform I choose to exercise. Your welcome. If you know me, or knew me in the past, well then, you know what I'm capable of......

But let's end this on a positive note, that's what I preach. HA, gothcha! I caught you sleepin. I don't preach shit, I only speak. The last fast few months have been scary, funny. fun. tumultuous, infuriating, exciting, mind boggling etc. And I wouldn't trade one minute of it. Bring it on Appearancers, but don't get it twisted. I see thru your mask. I'll leave you with this gem "My mask of sanity is beginning to slip".

TBN OUT

Peaces and Creases

P.S.- I'm not as crazy as this post sounds

P.S.S.- Or am I.......?