Yolo Solo cont'

The more people that I interact with the more I feel separated. The more I converse with others the more alien I feel. Obviously it must be me because I couldn't picture others feeling the same way that I do. I mean on the surface everything seems copacetic. We both agree the sky is blue and the grass is green... blah blah blah. Fuck the sky and fuck the grass, I need to know what level you're on. If we are not on the same level it's like talking to a mannequin. A painted on smile, limbs fixated in a popular pose, empty painted on eyes, completely soulless, clothed or maybe not, doesn't matter either way. This individual has drank the kool-aid and has checked out of humanity. If you are not well versed in consumerism good luck carrying on a conversation. I don't think I am better than anyone, I just think on a different level than most. Not a HIGHER level, just a different one. I personally may or may not believe that I think on a higher level but, that is neither here nor there (I do). Shit for all I now the mannequin is where it is at (no it's not). Shit, where was I going with this? Straight to left field right over the green monster. Ultimately I guess I'm saying that it can at times feel lonely when navigating through life among a sea of mannequins.....

Pieces and Creases

TBN OUT

Idealless Idealist

God or Science, whichever you prefer, has placed me squarely into a predicament from which I seem to have no escape. There is only one thing I know with certainty: I am. Everything else is merely assumption based on the perceived qualities of that which I experience. It is my awareness that allows me to experience, and the limitation of that awareness regarding that which I sense and perceive that defines its relativity. As long as my existence is a relative one, there can be no absolutes in terms of ideals or beliefs because there always remains the possibility of new information, new experiences, that prove them wrong or change them in some way. And yet I must face my day to day life pragmatically, I must make choices based on imperfect information, and I must have a basis for right and wrong to help guide me in making those choices. That is the quagmire within which I exist. To live my life I must make decisions and form opinions and take for granted that which I have no knowledge of.

How is it all justified? How can I argue any point, any ideal, any philosophical notion, when the underpinnings of my beliefs say that I know nothing? By making any assertion whatsoever I make a hypocrite of myself. As it is, I often hedge my words with phrases like "Perhaps the truth is.." or adding a flailing "..but I don't know" to the end of my statements. It makes it very difficult to win any debate when I, myself, lack conviction and certainty as to the merits of my argument. It is, perhaps, the reason I so often waffle back on assertions I make in group conversations, or willfully explore the merits of my opponents ideals without friction or animosity. The truth is that in living my day to day life I simply don't think about the conclusions that my deepest, most fundamental philosophical thoughts have lead me to. I just do it. Is that right, is it wrong? I'm not certain.

Yolo Solo

It just hit me... I'm alone. Relativity speaking of course, I see other human beings on a regular basis but that's not what I mean. Loneliness can exist despite everyday action with your fellow peers. When I say loneliness I am speaking more on the mental aspect of isolation which I equate with the idea of being lonely. But I digress, to put it simply I don't feel those around me fully understand me or how my corrupted, eroded, berated mind still functions. The obligation I feel to concert with certain people, to provide a smile for a certain person, or even acknowledge a person for that matter. "I simply am not there".

I'm not done with this...

TBN

Scribbles

Time to scribble. The scribbles always come at the hours that most of us, excuse me, most of you, are sound asleep in your posterpidick  bed. Personally for me it is in the late night/morning where clarity is revealed and I see the clearest. Or maybe the alcohol is controlling my fingers that peck along this keyboard. Either way I choose to scribble because its good for the soul.

I would like to kill everyone and everything.

Not plausible, so I stick with scribbling.

I hate you.

Maybe someday we can grow and live harmoniously as one, but I don't see that happening anytime soon. You are too large and influential. All the brainless sheep walk to the beat of your drum and I can't for the life of me figure out why. I am really off beat. As the saying goes, " I march to the beat of my own drum". Fuck it, I make good beats (fuck Dre).

Unfortunately nobody marches with me. And that's a problem. Or perhaps it's a good thing and I got it all wrong, which I am completely ok with. The best I can hope for is that scribbling shall set me free. Otherwise all bets are off....

Peaces and Creases
TBN

The Perfect World

In a perfect world my dog wouldn't shed. In a perfect world cigarettes wouldn't cause cancer and booze wouldn't cause liver disease. Hookers would be free and strippers would actually have feelings for you. But ladies and gents the world ain't perfect. In the Marine Corps we had a saying, "Adapt and overcome". When things don't go as planned you... adapt.... and overcome. I think we get caught up in a world where we believe everything should go as we see fit or as we viewed them in our head as going. We forget to adapt to our given surroundings and our unfulfilled expectations as if we were promised the perfect world. There is no perfect world. The world has made no agreement, signed no contract, or even flirtatiously hinted that it would align with or go along with any plans you might have conceived. The world don't give a shit people! No matter how well and premeditated your plans might be, it simply does not matter.

Life is a series of adaptations. BOOM. It's that simple; we can't predict or control the outcome of a situation. We are lucky if we can even sway things to go in our favor just slightly. We are too quick to lose sight of this fact. We want things as we perceive they should be in our minds and leave little room for deviation. So when things do go awry (which they inevitably will) we shit ourselves and look for someone or something to blame for this hairpin turn that was not apart of the blueprint when we designed the map. Adapt and overcome. 

Here is how it works.

Part I: ADAPT- To make suitable, as by changing; to modify (oneself) to conform to a situation or environment, as defined by my trusty Doubleday Dictionary. Let's say I go to the movies and the movie I wanted to see is sold out. I can either throw a temper tantrum and curse out the ticket attendant and then sulk all the way home. Or ADAPT and see what else is playing. 

Which leads me to... 

Part II: OVERCOME- To get the better of, defeat, conquer; to prevail over or surmount, as difficulties, obstacles, etc. Thank you Doubleday. So in the scenario I have created I have adapted to the devastating news that the movie I had so thoughtfully planned by seeing what else is playing. I then choose a different movie (overcome), and for all intents and purposes accomplish what I set out to do in the beginning which was to go see a movie. Not the movie I originally wanted to see however the world is not perfect and does not cater to my every want and need.

I don't really know what the fuck I'm talking about but the logic seems sound. You adapt to your given surroundings, and if unfavorable, you overcome by making said surroundings suitable to your needs. Simple as that. Rinse and repeat.

Pieces and Creases

TBN

Keyboard

Writing thru blurry eyes. To be honest I don't even know why they are blurry. Probably too much to drink. The bottle is never far out of reach. In the words of my homie Kid Cudi, "im in the pursuit of happiness and I know; everything that's glitter ain't always gonna be gold..... I'll be fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine once I get it....... I'll be gooooooooooooaoooood." You can't make everybody happy no matter how hard you try. Yes I am talking to you ladies. You will be the death of us. Men we should ban together and dig a gigantic whole and fill it with bitches. Real Talk.

But fa real. You show me a female who know's what she wants and I will give you the secret to life (shhhhhhh). NEWS FLASH! Neither exist! You can't win for losing... or win for... however the fuck that saying goes if it is even one. Anyway, where was I? Oh yea, you white devils. HA! Only kidding. Am I writing a stand up skit right now. NOPE. I'm drunk. I'm glad you could be here on this journey with me. I think she got jealous because I'm in love with you Keyboard. Oh hush keyboard, she was not trying to steal me from you. I was too quick to call muse, I get that. However, don't tell me you weren't fooled as well.OH PLEASE, you totally took a sip of that JUICE! I'm done with you keyboard if you can't be honest with me.

Unfortunately the keyboard is my only outlet. So you must bear with me folks

Light or Darkness?

So you stand there in the darkness with your arm outstretched desperately grasping for that dangling string with a trinket on the bottom. Finally it catches your hand and you feel comfort. You give it a slight tug and the bulb above your head sparks to life. You bask in the glow of this familiar light and casually navigate your way from the closet out into the world again

Ideally this works most of the time, all of the time. However, it doesn't always happen that way. There are those that reach and grab the trinket on their first swipe; and then there are those that wave their hand wildly, narrowly missing the trinket, over and over again. They are stuck in the closet. 

So every morning they wake up and grasp for that string and trinket only to ultimately fail destined to wake up and try again. Then one day their arm starts to get tired.... and more tired......and more tired. Then they say fuck it, I'm going to take today off and not try and grab shit (for all they are a rabbit chasing a carrot being waved in their face). They get back to reaching and still no trinket so they take another day off. Soon those days start to add up. To the point where they're trying every now and then. Eventually they stop trying all together and they live in the darkness feeling helpless, alone, frustrated, pissed off. I favor it to being thrown into the "hole" while in prison (as portrayed in the movies). The mind starts playing little tricks on them. Saying things like, "its really dark in here, there must be another way out". And then they start to agree: "There does have to be another way out". Now they're all distorted, groggy and sleep deprived, on the verge of madness. Then their mind says, "We can't go on like this man, what are we doing"? So the mind makes the suggestion: "let's end this foolishness". Now I'm going to end it right there.

If you find your self in a dark closet, do us all a favor and continue to reach for that light regardless of how many whiffs you make. You may not get it on your first try but that bulb ain't going nowhere. You can grasp that trinket and string on any given reach. Once in your grasp, give it a slight tug, bulb come on, you exit the closet into the world where everybody has been waiting for you and fuck some shit up. Real talk.

Stay up Deh

TBN

Peaces and Creases

Mary Winn

I gotta do it. This is me doing it. You're welcome.This is for you........ I often question my actions and those of others. I constantly check and make sure it's not ME that's completely off my rocker. That being said all you stupid motherfuckers that are not capable conversation without storming out and committing larceny. Boom! Straight out of left field. But fa real this really just happened.

I had recently had a person over at my house, who shall remain unnamed, who proceeded to argue with me without either leg to stand on. It reached a point where the wall had a better chance of making a coherent argument. Now if you know me, than you know I'm not one to shy away from a good banter. However, I draw the line at a certain point. If you don't know what you are talking about or are out of your depth, please.... for all parties involved keep your dumb ass trap shut. And if you feel offended when I say "I can't have a conversation with stupid", it's not okay to steal my friends' vehicle. 

I love life and the people that enter and rapidly exit it. They also keep the fire going. So thank you in advance to those idiots that have yet to come.

Pieces and Creases
TBN OUT

Muse

It's the little things in life that can start fire. Like watching someone read your writing. It is a beautiful thing to watch. If you don't have an eye for it, you might miss it. Something as subtle as watching a person turn the pages of pieces of paper on which you bare your soul. The sheer fact that this person is acknowledging your work makes it worth me rambling on my keyboard. That's the whole reason I'm writing at this exact moment. Even simply hearing the sound of an ordinary piece of printer paper slide against the following piece of paper behind it reminds me of why I do it in the first place. I sometimes lose sight of the reason I write, but ladies and gentleman I'm back. I want pages to turn that contain the words that I provide. Fuck it. "Do what you love and let it kill you".