What is Normal Anyway?

I am going to remove myself from this post and watch myself type from a distance because I don't want to be affiliated with whatever comes from the mind of this mad man. So I'll just let him take it from here.

Thank you for the introduction kind sir. I'll wake you when I'm finished. But we both know I am never truly finished; there are not enough words in human language that could contain or begin to convey the things that run through my tiny brain. So this will just be another futile attempt to simply scratch the surface. Buckle in because non of this will make any sense.... or will it?

2020 has been an unprecedented year to say the least. It has been interesting. It is still kind of surreal to walk around and see people wearing masks everywhere you go. Its like something out of a Phillip K. Dick novel. Hand shakes have become weird, college applications and standards have changed, NBA basketball is being played in a bubble, substance abuse and domestic violence is on the rise, people are standing during the national anthem (or are they kneeling, I forget?), black martyrs, social unrest, economic discourse, Joe Exotic got arrested, the list goes on. Oh and its election year to boot. I just realized where I want to go with this rant. Rant is a harsh word, lets call it a collection of disjointed thoughts and ramblings of a man that is close to his whit's end. Nope, I can't even be concise enough to call this a rant.

My life is so upside down and sideways I don't know whether to drool incoherently clutching a bottle of whisky or go streaking while screaming Black Lives Matter. Neither of which are far from actually happening. I mean come on, something has to give. You can't expect people to be holed up in their homes with their KIDS AND SPOUSE all day everyday trying to decipher this godforsaken remote learning which alone would drive a person mad, listening to a president who says god knows what just burping up thoughts on tweeter, while all white people are trying to find out if they are racist or not, while eyeballing someone who's mask is slightly below their nose determining if they are actually 6 feet from you. It is madness! Don't get it twisted I love my wife and kids, but come on, not that much. I'm not trying to see them 24/7 365. If you're thinking to yourself that's a fucked up thing to say, fuck you kill yourself because you think the same but I'm saying it, so a thank you is in order. Your welcome. So the question becomes how do we maintain some semblance of sanity during these apocalyptic times? Well don't look at me, I don't have the answer, or do I...? Of course not, don't be ridiculous. I will say this though, during these very trying times we are getting an up close and personal look at our humanity that I think we would otherwise miss if not for the calamity we call the new norm. Isolation can remind us that we are social beings deep down despite all the shit we talk about him or her. It is human interaction that keeps us civil and not the other way around. So when I feel the walls starting to close in, I picture myself in a fighting hole staring down the sites of my M16 in bum fuck Egypt all alone and it helps me to put things back into perspective and realize that I wouldn't change this madness for one second of that lonesomeness. So embrace it people, it could be worse. Embrace it before we return to our mindless day to day that we refer to as the norm.

Stay Salty

Peaces and Creases

TBN Out

This Just Happened

It's a feeling like no other. Squeezing the trigger in the hopes that it hits it's mark. I don't mean a target, center mass, silhouette shooting. I mean when your target is another living human being. You look down your sights and actually see the inhale and exhale of another, who breaths just as you do. Your eyes begin to waiver, your palms begin to sweat, and for one brief moment you forget what you are there for. This is absolutely not the time to question your purpose, although it happens regardless. A terrible mental state to be in when in combat. Because the enemy may not be questioning any of the existential gobbidy gook that has hindered you from doing what you have spent the last 3 years training to do. Boom, like that you're dead, because YOU STOPPED TO THINK ABOUT IT!

War is not a play ground, and or a sand box where you show a girl your knickers. You play for keeps. When I came to that realization I cried like a fucking baby. No joke. Hmmmm, I might not go home on leave and fuck Julie like I been dreaming about since I got out of boot camp. I might actually leave here in a body bag and get that 21 gun salute. So I better get my head on straight, my eyes on the target, palms dry, and my trigger finger ready. Shoot to, guess what.... kill. End life. Otherwise it might be mine that is taken.

I don't know where I'm going or how I started on this morbid rant. I'm gonna guess it has something to do with the COVID. Mortality is not something we like to, or address very often. But I have, and it was eye opening and it scared the shit out of me. However, it did help me in a lot of ways. Death is not what actually scares me. It's not living that does. So I like to keep my head on a swivel and my trigger finger ready for whatever life may thro at me. Good or bad. Stay frosty

Peaces and Creases

TBN OUT

Going Fast, When You Know You Can

I love it! I know that there are no young kids that read this but however I would like to speak to them nonetheless. It's 10:45 at night and I pull up to a light next to this big dully truck with a couple of kids in the cab. We proceed to go thru the light, they do it quite aggressively. Mind you, I'm driving a Q5 Audi with a little juice. We get to the next light and I can feel these kids eye balls staring at me. Light turns green and I allow them to get there pubescent testosterone out and let them pull off the line in front of me. Either they got cocky or were drunk because they start to go in and out of my lane. No, no children. I wait for my them to bank to there left one more time so I can squeeze in my appropriate lane and give them a nice glance over, and make sure they see me. He stomps on the gas and lets his behemoth of a truck roar. I grin as I ease on the gas and gradually push the pedal to the floor. The turbo kicks in and my head snaps back slightly as the whir of the finely tuned engine jumps into action as I watch which was once two high school kids dully's headlights turn into small dots in my rearview. Thanks kids, the Audi does need to occasionally put in work to remind her she is an Audi, as I need a reminder I can still go fast.

Peaces and Creases

TBN Out

Fire It Up and Shut Down

I was told if I wrote this I would really regret it. Now that is motivation to write!

So I have this car right. It is very temperamental. Actually fuck it I am the car if I choose to stick with this metaphor. The owner of this car likes to hop in the driver seat, get nice and comfy. Check all the mirrors, adjust the seat to their liking, pick out their favorite CD or whatever Spotify iPhone Pandora bullshit. Stick the key in the ignition and fire it up! Mash on the gas pedal and make that motor roar! RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! Now here is the kicker- the person who has jumped in the driver seat, gotten comfy, checked the mirrors, adjusted the seat, and picked their favorite song and fired up the engine.... is suddenly pissed at the engine for roaring?! The engine is started and roaring because the keys have been put in the ignition and the gas pedal mashed upon. But the driver never even attempts to put the vehicle in drive. Somehow it is the engine's fault for roaring. So the driver pulls the key from the ignition but inexplicably the engine is still running! How in the world could the engine still be running after the driver has pulled the key from the ignition?!

The driver is understandably pissed. They never actually had any intention of going anywhere. So once they let their foot off the pedal and removed the key it should shut off like any inanimate object. Hmmmmmm..... Maybe the machines have become aware. Maybe this is a cautionary tale of what could become if the machines were to become aware. So you drivers be careful when you jump behind the wheel and rev that engine. At some point you might not be able to shut it off and have to  endure a road trip you were not anticipating. Shit you might even shoot a rod if you're not careful.

I guess what I am trying to say is this: while you may be the driver, ultimately it is the motor/engine that gets you from point A to point B. So as a responsible vehicle owner you should treat your vehicle accordingly. Proper oil changes, CHECK YOUR BREAKS PERIODICALY, etc. Otherwise... who knows? It might decide one day to take you off of a cliff.

TBN OUT

Peaces and Creases

The Sky is Falling

I love the taste and smell of arugala. I love the taste of a cigarette as I inhale the smoke coming off the grill as a Porterhouse steak finds its way. I like lacing up my go fasters at high noon in the middle of summer to put in 5 miles. I enjoy being the one to cash out a bowl as well as the amazing fragrance it releases. I enjoy calling someone out on their bullshit and watching them squirm. I love the face my daughter makes right before she fires a softball at my brand new catchers mitt. Shit, I love the smell of my mitt and the sound it makes when she throws a strike. I love the glow of my laptop as I drown myself in something that fulfills me.

However, when I look out of the window, the sky seems to be getting a little lower. As if it might one day collapse on me as I'm grilling a nice steak and having a smoke. Each day I get up and step outside, the sky is a little lower. Lower and lower and lower. Almost to the point where I can no longer smell my catchers mitt, feel that strike, or cash that bowl. Basically I can't enjoy anything, because I am so consumed by the fact that the sky is no longer holding up it's end of the bargain. I foolishly believed that if I got up everyday, the sky would greet me and be at the same height it was the day prior. Turns out the sky is an asshole and has made an ass out of me.

Or has it? Let's say I just forget about where the sky is, and just continue to do the things I love and enjoy? I mean, I have no control over the sky. I can't make it stay where it is. No matter how long I stare at it, it will ultimately do it's thing. Perhaps fall.

So how I see it, is I have two options: I can A- Get up everyday and measure the amount the sky has fallen. Or B- Get up each day and continue to play catcher, cash out bowls, run with my dog, and keep the grill fired up. Hmmm.... that's a tough one.

Why won't the sky just fall already so I don't have to contemplate such an existential conundrum?!

Peaces and Creases

Turbonegro out

Golden Globes... An Abomidable Shit Show

I haven't written in a while but I was motivated to take action after watching the Golden Globe awards. Rickey Gervais, the host, came out and spoke truth to the possible recipients of said award. His advice fell on deaf ears. I HAVE NEVER, been so disgusted by the nonsense that was spewed by what the so called celebrities had to say. Ricky: Thank whatever God you pray to, leave your political views aside, and say thank you and get the fuck off the stage. Simple right? Nope. I was beside myself watching actor after actor get on stage and start spouting their irrelevant, nonsensical views on topics they know nothing about.

When did the Golden Globes become a platform for ACTORS to express their social/political views? Firstly, who the fuck are they to weigh in on anything that has to do with real life? They are paid to assume an identity that is not their own. So why on earth would anybody in their right mind listen to anything they have to say with the exception of eating popcorn and sipping a Coke? Stay in your lane you pompous arrogant assholes. I don't care how you feel about abortion, global military involvement, gay marriage etc. You are an actor! You are only relevant on TMZ and award shows. What are we even awarding you for in the first place? Your the best at not being a real human being, congratulations.

Secondly, as I was watching the show my irritation grew and grew and I forgot the fact that I am voluntarily watching. Hmm. Change the channel George, my brain told me. But like a car crash, its hard to look away. Guilty as charged. The Golden Globe awards is not and nor should it be a platform for over paid pretty people to vomit their thoughts and views to a global audience. I'd rather you say thank you and went on your way. It is sad that people make a living taking photos of jackasses/ celebrities. Where is the world headed...? Hell in a hand basket?

Just kidding, I don't believe in a Hell. However, Joaquin Phoenix, Brad Pitt, Renee Zelweger, Charlize Theron, shut the fuck up and stay in your lane. Our (I use the term OUR very loosely) attention span/ability to concentrate on anything longer than 140 characters has dwindled significantly. Thank you Donald.

But I digress. Or do I? To be honest, I don't even know what the word means. So before I lose you, remember this..... The moment you feel like Tom Cruise, or whoever else makes a coherent point on any issue or topic.... Politely laugh hysterically.