Idealless Idealist

God or Science, whichever you prefer, has placed me squarely into a predicament from which I seem to have no escape. There is only one thing I know with certainty: I am. Everything else is merely assumption based on the perceived qualities of that which I experience. It is my awareness that allows me to experience, and the limitation of that awareness regarding that which I sense and perceive that defines its relativity. As long as my existence is a relative one, there can be no absolutes in terms of ideals or beliefs because there always remains the possibility of new information, new experiences, that prove them wrong or change them in some way. And yet I must face my day to day life pragmatically, I must make choices based on imperfect information, and I must have a basis for right and wrong to help guide me in making those choices. That is the quagmire within which I exist. To live my life I must make decisions and form opinions and take for granted that which I have no knowledge of.

How is it all justified? How can I argue any point, any ideal, any philosophical notion, when the underpinnings of my beliefs say that I know nothing? By making any assertion whatsoever I make a hypocrite of myself. As it is, I often hedge my words with phrases like "Perhaps the truth is.." or adding a flailing "..but I don't know" to the end of my statements. It makes it very difficult to win any debate when I, myself, lack conviction and certainty as to the merits of my argument. It is, perhaps, the reason I so often waffle back on assertions I make in group conversations, or willfully explore the merits of my opponents ideals without friction or animosity. The truth is that in living my day to day life I simply don't think about the conclusions that my deepest, most fundamental philosophical thoughts have lead me to. I just do it. Is that right, is it wrong? I'm not certain.

Yolo Solo

It just hit me... I'm alone. Relativity speaking of course, I see other human beings on a regular basis but that's not what I mean. Loneliness can exist despite everyday action with your fellow peers. When I say loneliness I am speaking more on the mental aspect of isolation which I equate with the idea of being lonely. But I digress, to put it simply I don't feel those around me fully understand me or how my corrupted, eroded, berated mind still functions. The obligation I feel to concert with certain people, to provide a smile for a certain person, or even acknowledge a person for that matter. "I simply am not there".

I'm not done with this...

TBN